Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis