I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in