Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My vagina just clenched in fear