guess who came home with a hottie last night
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby