its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
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is wine microwaveable?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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