I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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