I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
