You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
