dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
