I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
