I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
