doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
