U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
