You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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