my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
