fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
