I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
