No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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