I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
