I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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