based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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