tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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