omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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