So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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