You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
