I bet he comes in French.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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