the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
