I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
