Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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