i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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