Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
