are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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