i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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