I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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