And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
