Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
