sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize