I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
