We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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