My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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