John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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