The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
