Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
