I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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