why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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