we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
