It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
