I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
