Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
