the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
