Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
