Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
