oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
