why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize