I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
