last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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