You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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