you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
