so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
